Drought

Responsibilities and expectations... Sometimes I am tired of responding to all the expectations of people around me. The church, the ministries, the work, the people around you -- they all expect something from you, everyday.

I have been having a problem with my attitude. I am at this point in my life where in I am just so fed up responding to all the demands of life. But this is life - and that's what it takes to survive - you gotta work, you gotta do what is asked of you.

I have responsibilities toward God and my ministries. Although, it gets exhausting, I do not have any reason to be excused from serving God - as it is a way of life. A commitment before Him. I wish I could be like other church members who are untiringly tarrying for God's works. Their commitment before God seem unfailing - although I know they, too, are struggling as much or sometimes, much more than I do. But they press on - yet,  do not.

God has been and is always been faithful to me amidst my unnumbered unfaithfulness - He remained the same. I really wish I am like the other untiring servants of God. I wish I were not a disappointment. But, I am. I am wearing a sin of slothfulness and being sluggard only pushes me down to the deepest pits. My ministries are suffering. My work is entirely suffering and anytime soon, I am bound to lose the blessing God has entrusted me - my work.

How can  let people understand what I feel? How can  let them know the struggle in me? I have lost enthusiasm in everything that I do. I have no inspiration. I am experiencing another drought in my life. I am not happy about this as I know I am disappointing a lot of people. I am not a people pleaser. I do not do all those things I used to do simply to please people around me; well, except for the fact that there's only one who I want to please - God the Father, our Savior, Jesus Christ. I do all the good things I used to do because I am taking responsibility -- because I have a responsibility to respond to. In doing so, accordingly, the end result is becoming responsible, and although unintentional, pleasing other people.