Have you ever felt like everyone has turned their back on you?

How did you deal with it?

It's painful, right?

Friends? None. Family? Back stabbing.

Family - of all people... they are the ones who actually badmouth you unaware. I'm sorry if I couldn't please them - not one of them. I am sorry that they had to bear with me since they ain't got a choice at all for I was born in their family. Could you imagine that, your very own family stabbing you behind?! It could have been better if they just let me know that they didn't want me in the family to start with.

Friends? They're there when you've got something that pleases them.

Family? They're pleased with you when you're pleasing them - monetarily - all else wouldn't count.

Randomness - all that matters is all.

I want to run. I want to swim. I want to just leave this place and be somewhere else... somewhere I know I am out of the city. Somewhere I can think, can write, can paint, can listen to the music and be with myself.

I want to sing with someone. And it hurts me right now that I still hadn't found that one. There are so many rules. There are so many things to consider in choosing someone to be with you. There are spiritual aspects - the main reason I am hindered to just be with someone. I do not think of just here now - but since that's what I am, I couldn't just risk "it".

I am gaining weight again - that just means I am in depressive state. I know when I am feeling wasted - I start gaining weight. I start becoming slothful and sluggard. I start losing the interest in doing things. All these will truly impact my life - my work and my ministries. I won't be able to feed myself if I do not work. Sometimes, it made me think of going back to my parents' house because life there, may not be as good as it gets, but it's easier - easier for someone who is lazy and too lax to even get on his own feet. That's the price of independence - responsibilities.

Tenacity!

It takes courage to approach someone and help them - since they are asking to be helped and in doing so, you are also helping yourself. The success lies in the acceptance of the help you are offering.

My clients approach us because they need something. They needed help for their business to grow. However, some of them are just to stubborn to hear what you are saying - or is not interested enough to know more what you could offer. It could also be the way we communicate things to them. Which, sometimes, make me ask myself -- how do I communicate my willingness to help my clients? I am not a mere sales person. I am a consultant. I am here not to sell but to help. Yet, I find myself struggling to let my message come across clearly and sincerely.

Tenacity! My prospect just challenged me to have one. I am not really tenacious. I may be stubborn at times but I am not as persistent as I need to be. Especially that I am in this kind of work where tenacity is a big weapon useful enough to turn things around and have things done your way - the right way. I hate it when you are trying to help someone but they are not willing enough to be helped.

I don't want to take this situation as my client's fault for being so stubborn and unwilling to be given the help that he actually needs. I am confident that no one does it like we do! Yes! That's how confident I am of our company and of the people in our company. We are not the cheap one and we do not compromise quality over price.

It was my fault. If the conversation earlier didn't turn out right - it's because I said the right things but were delivered incorrectly. It's not WHAT you say, but it's HOW you say it. I know I may have said something earlier in a way that was not convincing enough or persuading enough. Didn't I sound sincere? There must be something during the conversation that turned him off and hang up on me! Argh! What was it?! I need to know. I will be listening to our conversation tonight - I must study it. And, hopefully, turn things around.

Next post: ATTITUDE.

Hayahay...

Staying up late at night made me think of going outside the house... having a short walk... enjoying the peaceful and safe familiar avenues of Ortigas Center. And so, I did. It was a cold and rainy evening, yet, it did not spoil my appetite for a sundae in a sweet wafer cone. In line at 7-11 convenient store awaiting for my chocolate sundae cone.. minutes after being in line only to be told that sundae is no longer available at that hour! I smiled and headed for Mini-stop Convenient store, which happily served me a mixed of vanilla and cappuccino flavored sundae in sweet wafer cone! I wore a big smile as the lady gladly hand me my treat!

I guess I purposely took a walk to burn some calories and shed some pounds! But, guess what?! It ended the other way around! I took a lovely evening walk alone only to add more calories to my layering bellies! A stop at Mcdonalds, El Pueblo increased my calorie intake thousands more than what is required! I got myself a Big Mac meal, large serving of fries, "coke light" (hahahah!!) and ironically ordered Strawberry Sundae!! hahahahah!!! Now... what do I plan to do with those extra calories? Oh well, I am to hit the dance floor and spend hours doing body jam and moving and grooving to hiphop music! I hope that helps!

Too much introduction! hahaha! 

Now, what is "Hayahay"? It means, "relax". I may have been relaxing way too long that makes things getting out of hand this time. I watched "Living Asia Channel" - they featured Negros Oriental. I was in awe seeing numerous wonderful sights and places endowed with nature's delightful blessings! I needed a break but I did not get the break I really wanted. I don't know why I need a break when in fact all the troubles I am going through right is self-made!

I wanted to go to Dumaguete and visit all other lovely places in Negros Oriental. The place has much more to offer than the other infamous tourist spots! Lakes... untouched lakes! It also amazed me to see a 'natural water slides" in Padudusan, Canlaon City! It was next to none! We always see man-made slides that take our breath away... but nature did it first! And it was unbelievably smooth and water gushing through it is clean and cold! They look as if they were laughing and cheering with the young boys and girls as they shout and scream and laugh sliding down the smoothly paved slide! The waters... they were happy... they dance and slide in laughter!

And that place where you can watch the dolphins dance and acrobat their way as they usher your boat across the other side of the lake! What is that place?!

Drought

Responsibilities and expectations... Sometimes I am tired of responding to all the expectations of people around me. The church, the ministries, the work, the people around you -- they all expect something from you, everyday.

I have been having a problem with my attitude. I am at this point in my life where in I am just so fed up responding to all the demands of life. But this is life - and that's what it takes to survive - you gotta work, you gotta do what is asked of you.

I have responsibilities toward God and my ministries. Although, it gets exhausting, I do not have any reason to be excused from serving God - as it is a way of life. A commitment before Him. I wish I could be like other church members who are untiringly tarrying for God's works. Their commitment before God seem unfailing - although I know they, too, are struggling as much or sometimes, much more than I do. But they press on - yet,  do not.

God has been and is always been faithful to me amidst my unnumbered unfaithfulness - He remained the same. I really wish I am like the other untiring servants of God. I wish I were not a disappointment. But, I am. I am wearing a sin of slothfulness and being sluggard only pushes me down to the deepest pits. My ministries are suffering. My work is entirely suffering and anytime soon, I am bound to lose the blessing God has entrusted me - my work.

How can  let people understand what I feel? How can  let them know the struggle in me? I have lost enthusiasm in everything that I do. I have no inspiration. I am experiencing another drought in my life. I am not happy about this as I know I am disappointing a lot of people. I am not a people pleaser. I do not do all those things I used to do simply to please people around me; well, except for the fact that there's only one who I want to please - God the Father, our Savior, Jesus Christ. I do all the good things I used to do because I am taking responsibility -- because I have a responsibility to respond to. In doing so, accordingly, the end result is becoming responsible, and although unintentional, pleasing other people.