All in His Perfect Time

All Things Work for the Glory of God - all in His perfect time.

More often than not, we run the race of patience. And sometimes, it gets ahead of us and we get a little frustrated especially when timing and things don't happen our way. But God has His way.. and His wisdom is way higher than ours. He sees with a 360 degree view; we only see what's in front of us - the here and now. The next few seconds is something we can never tell but something we can trust God with.

To be continued...

Going through the storms

It's the season of storms, they say.

And so I agree.

I have started going through the storms as soon as the rainy season jumps in. The weather seems to embrace me wholly it penetrates the soul (metaphorically). I keep on making mistakes and I am hating myself for continually doing so. 

And continually... I asked Thee, Father... to search me... and know my ways... may my life appear to You as a sacrifice of praise. You know the thoughts of my heart, the secrets in my mind. You know the ways of my life and the things I try to hide. And so I come and bare myself at Your feet. I give myself as an offering. Lord I come and bend my knees toward You begging you please for more of Your grace.

Why do we sin and keep on sinning?

I was checking my facebook account and keeping myself updated with my friends' posts. I usually do this to see who might have posted an interesting message or a moving one, catching my thoughts and stirring my emotions. It keeps me in the loop - short and simple messages may mean something deep, as there are people who post quotes of short striking words to relay a deep message, which could mean, "help me, I am in a pit of trouble". Or, sometimes, a wall post that had inspired them and would love to share the message so their friends would be inspired just the same.

Going through the numerous feed at my homepage, I chanced upon a wall post of one of our missionary pastors in Middle East. A wall post that speaks of angels and a verse from the bible. Then below it is a comment from someone I do not know. After that is a reply coming from the author of the wall post, which I will directly quote here:

Kung sinasabi natin na nakabantay sa atin ang God bakit di tayo takot gumawa ng kasalanan? Bakit tayo pa mismo ang humahabol sa kasalanan? At bakit di tigilan o iwan ang kasalanan?

That made me stop and comment to the thread. As directly quoted below, 

we, by nature, are sinful; but by the grace of God thru faith we are saved, however, we still sin and we sin for may reasons. Yet, we couldn't rationalize our sinful nature in doing so. We sin because we have been defeated by the enemy, allowing it to lure us into temptations, why so? Because we did not use the gears God had given us, thus, as a soldier of Christ, we lose in the battle. We failed to utilize our shield of faith, we had not put on our armor and we chose not to wear the breastplate of righteousness thereby allowing our hearts wander unprotected. Above all else, we sin because we deliberately do so, in a mere disobedience to Thy Word - creating our self-made turmoil. :( 

I know for sure that what I have responded above is true, for I, myself, had experienced it. I have been defeated far too many times by the enemy because of my deliberate will to sin in an act of mere disobedience to the directions of our God. Undeniably, such situations and wrong decisions that I have done in the past brought a traumatic turmoil, all self-made. And, I have no reason, in whatever way, to question the Lord about my sufferings. I had created my own war. 

I also know, as a child of God, that nothing will restore my fellowship with our Father without repentance. I deemed it necessary to let go of my pride and to never harden my heart; to release my grip to the sin that shackles me from growing and a wall that bars me from enjoying the sweet fellowship with my Father.

In this life, nothing will make us happy if we do not truly trust and obey our dear Lord. This is a testimony, that I am not ashamed to admit: when I was much younger than today, I have long wondered where on earth will I find my happiness. How on earth will I be happy? What will make me happy? Who will make me happy?

The questions keep on taunting me as I grow and walk in faith. Am I really walking in faith? I falter numbers of times, maybe much more than you could imagine. I see myself as a stubborn, hard-headed child, insisting to do things her way. And when I fail, I keep running back to my Father's feet, weeping and sobbing that words could no longer be audibly heard. But the grace of God super abounds. And as I journey in this life, walking, stumbling, running, leaping, dancing, falling, hurting my leg and to the point of breaking my bone and my totality in search for that one thing that would make me truly happy - my heart, the only sober part of me that is left, spoke, 

The Holy Spirit continually touches me and speaks to me, telling me to let you feel that my journey in search for your happiness is in vain because you will not find it anywhere. It is our Almighty God. The very source of your happiness. The very reason you smile amidst the pricking hurdles of life. 

Indeed. To this day and to eternity, I will say, my utmost happiness is in trusting and obeying our Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Let us utilize what God had given us to equip us, being His soldiers, before we step in the battle arena. And, I can say, He will never fail us, he promised it, let's claim it. Why let go of the sweet fellowship we enjoy in our Father's banquet?

- Zaideh on Revival -

High School Reunion Fever!!!

It's early in the morning... seven o'clock to be exact. I have not finished working on the minutes of our second meeting. Hahaha! I even started working on this since last Saturday... and it's exactly one week now! Hahaha! As I work on preparing the agenda for tonight's meeting, I decided to give myself a treat by brewing an Arabica Coffee.

I was about to brew the coffee when something made me feel like playing Peter Cetera's songs. So, I went back and took the remote control, looked for the Peter Cetera playlist... then, I clicked, "play". And the reminiscing starts here...

Reminiscing high school days... the building where we used to love hanging out after chemistry class... the Batibot  Tambayan where we kill time during vacant hours and copy homeworks from whoever!!! Oh, I truly love those carefree days! 

The first person that came to mind is our junior high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Norvin A. Macaro. He used to play Peter Cetera's songs and we listen to it with big smiles and we sang with him. Then, he would start off teasing "love items" in the class or in the group of people from whatever batch. Mid-afternoon setting and the science building is almost empty of students when my peers and I stayed around to just chat with our favorite and totally cool teacher.

So, I went online on Facebook chat... tadah!!! our beloved chemistry teacher is online! Awesome!!! I sent him a message right away telling him of the songs I am listening to at this very gloomy and restful Saturday morning... it's not gloomy at all... the songs make it a lovely and romantic one! 

Listening to Peter Cetera's songs makes me want to fall in love! It makes me go back to the yesteryears and reminisce the days when we were young and happy and simply carefree! Oh, I love those days!!! We fell in love with the lyrics of the songs and we jam and sang in groups whether we're in tune or absolutely out of tune! It truly did not matter for as long as we're singing with our best buddies!

The teasing never ends.... We're now more than ten years older than before. Until now, I am still being teased and paired with the same people!!! Hahahaha!! As if we never really grew up and got tired of each other. Hmmm... "each other"??? Hahaha! I am still being teased and matched with my best friend! Wouldn't the issue ever die?! Hahaha!

The reunion fever is astronomical!!! We retraced old friends... talked about high school days and made a thread of petty fights with former classmates of the same playful mockery of teen slangs and lingo! Hahahaha!!! We're like kids again! It makes me more excited each and everyday, no matter how bloody the organizing and execution is, for our most awaited high school reunion! 

Right now... my heart sings with gladness, blazes with excitement, and... kilig as ever!!!! Feels like falling in love... again!!!

An Email of Encouragement

Just sharing an email I received from one of our church elders and the head of our Children's Ministry. I do not own the copyright of this article, neither does the sender.

The Blessings of Inadequacy

Read | 2 Corinthians 3:4-6

Life is filled with struggles that reveal human inadequacy. Physical problems leave us weak and unable to cope, relational troubles bring confusion and stress, continual battles with bad habits and addictions make us feel defeated, and financial or job demands damage our self-worth. No one likes the frustration and fear of facing challenges which are too big to handle, but God can use them for our good.

Maybe you have never considered inadequacy a blessing. After all, it arouses all sorts of uncomfortable emotions that make us feel useless, insignificant, and weak. But God can turn all the negatives into blessings if we acknowledge our helplessness, depend on His strength, and step into our challenges with confidence in Him.

Inadequacy can be a blessing since it . . .

1.    Drives us to God as we recognize our helplessness.

2.    Relieves us of the burden of trying to do God’s will in our own strength.

3.    Motivates us to live in the power of the Holy Spirit.

4.    Provides the Lord an opportunity to demonstrate what He can do.

5.    Increases our usefulness to God by humbling our pride.

6.    Allows Christ to receive all the glory.

7.    Gives peace as we rely on Him.

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, believers have the ability to endure difficulty or accomplish whatever the Lord calls them to do. By claiming the adequacy of Christ, we can face every circumstance with a sense of awesome confidence, not in ourselves but in God, who is totally capable.

If I could ride a bike...

I don't know what I should entitle this post with. I usually begin with a title as I already know what the article would be about. But, this time is an exception.

My morning started with stretching and hitting the stationary bike for more than 30 minutes of high tension cycling. I am thankful that stationary bikes were created! It's beneficial enough for someone who doesn't know how to balance a bike a like me. I remember riding a bike when I was in grade school. One of my playmates taught me to ride a bike without my mom's knowledge. She forbade us to ride bicycle for one very painful reason - a motor accident that caused our father's life.

I eventually developed the fear of riding bikes of any kind but the stationary bike. I am afraid of stumbling and getting hurt or wounded. I don't easily trust anyone who invites me to back ride on their bike. Given a choice, I would rather walk or commute. Only lately that I found myself riding on one of my high school classmate's motor bike! And to my surprise, I wasn't holding on as tight as I used to when I was in college! Nevertheless, I remained frightened - silently, this time.

If I could be brave enough, I would want to learn to ride a bike again. If I could, I would cycle my way to Baywalk or to Marikina Sports Center. I would cycle my way to anywhere my carefree self wants me to be! But I couldn't. So, I walk. And, given a pair of comfortable, full-support sneakers, I could walk for nine straight hours! Walk, okay, let me reiterate that, "walk" and not "hike, trek or climb"! Because that's a totally different story.

If I could cycle, I would hit the road for two or three hours everyday! That would truly tone my thighs and my booty growing mission will be a success! Cyclists have nice legs, most especially the track cyclists. Screw me! My legs are the worst! Hehehe... just think of all the good things cycling will do to me if I ever learn to let go of my fear and to cycle again. Free short distance travel, solitary cycling anywhere, best of health, bootylicious, tight hamstrings, and non-pollutant are some of the advantages one can get in cycling. And maybe, it could help lessen the perkiness of my freakishly huge gastrocnemius muscles!

Each Step I Take

"Each Step I Take"

W. Elmo Marcer

Each step I take my Saviour goes before me,
And with His loving hand He leads the way,

And with each breath I whisper "I adore Thee;"

Oh, what joy to walk with Him each day. 

Each step I take I know that He will guide me;

To higher ground He ever leads me on.

Until some day the last step will be taken.

Each step I take just leads me closer home.

At times I feel my faith begin to waver,

When up ahead I see a chasm wide.

It's then I turn and look up to my Saviour,

I am strong when He is by my side.

I trust in God, no matter come what may,

For life eternal in His hand,

He holds the key that opens up the way,

That will lead me to the promised land. 

What a wonderful song!

Many may have no longer wondered why this blog is entitled, "Each Step I Take". Most people may have a notion that such title suggests a very common theme - the story of her life, the journey, the daily grind, the open journal, and the list goes on and on. In one point, it may be right, nevertheless, this is not simply about life's daily grind. It's all about "Who" walks with me in each step I take.

I have an old blog, which I have been keeping for couple years now. I chose to create a new one as that blog gives a certain atmosphere I no longer want to embrace. So, I left it dormant for now until I find a reason to update it with a new post.

This introduction should have been done a while back when I started this new blog. But it doesn't matter. There's nothing much to introduce, anyway. So, just read on! :)

To all, if you're keen enough to decipher how God guided me or moved me in each step I take through my posts, you would find sense in each and every word written herein.

God bless you all!

How Can I Dance?

How can I dance?

When the burdens are countless and the world seems to weigh on me...
When the heart is frozen and numbed to life's constant push?

How can I paint?

When the brush strokes seem at a loss for direction...
And each color is blended in confusion?

How can I run?

When the shoes are ready but the heart is not...
When you are at the momentum of running until the treadmill stops?

How can I smile?

When the reason for smiling is more vague than the reason to be disheartened...
When you know that such act is a mere facade of happiness?

Yet, how do I continue living?

The irony of life brings light to the only reason that keeps a child of God moving and breathing.
Amidst the hurdles and struggles of life - the grace of God illumines and continually overwhelms all challenges this world has to offer.

Have you ever felt like everyone has turned their back on you?

How did you deal with it?

It's painful, right?

Friends? None. Family? Back stabbing.

Family - of all people... they are the ones who actually badmouth you unaware. I'm sorry if I couldn't please them - not one of them. I am sorry that they had to bear with me since they ain't got a choice at all for I was born in their family. Could you imagine that, your very own family stabbing you behind?! It could have been better if they just let me know that they didn't want me in the family to start with.

Friends? They're there when you've got something that pleases them.

Family? They're pleased with you when you're pleasing them - monetarily - all else wouldn't count.

Randomness - all that matters is all.

I want to run. I want to swim. I want to just leave this place and be somewhere else... somewhere I know I am out of the city. Somewhere I can think, can write, can paint, can listen to the music and be with myself.

I want to sing with someone. And it hurts me right now that I still hadn't found that one. There are so many rules. There are so many things to consider in choosing someone to be with you. There are spiritual aspects - the main reason I am hindered to just be with someone. I do not think of just here now - but since that's what I am, I couldn't just risk "it".

I am gaining weight again - that just means I am in depressive state. I know when I am feeling wasted - I start gaining weight. I start becoming slothful and sluggard. I start losing the interest in doing things. All these will truly impact my life - my work and my ministries. I won't be able to feed myself if I do not work. Sometimes, it made me think of going back to my parents' house because life there, may not be as good as it gets, but it's easier - easier for someone who is lazy and too lax to even get on his own feet. That's the price of independence - responsibilities.

Tenacity!

It takes courage to approach someone and help them - since they are asking to be helped and in doing so, you are also helping yourself. The success lies in the acceptance of the help you are offering.

My clients approach us because they need something. They needed help for their business to grow. However, some of them are just to stubborn to hear what you are saying - or is not interested enough to know more what you could offer. It could also be the way we communicate things to them. Which, sometimes, make me ask myself -- how do I communicate my willingness to help my clients? I am not a mere sales person. I am a consultant. I am here not to sell but to help. Yet, I find myself struggling to let my message come across clearly and sincerely.

Tenacity! My prospect just challenged me to have one. I am not really tenacious. I may be stubborn at times but I am not as persistent as I need to be. Especially that I am in this kind of work where tenacity is a big weapon useful enough to turn things around and have things done your way - the right way. I hate it when you are trying to help someone but they are not willing enough to be helped.

I don't want to take this situation as my client's fault for being so stubborn and unwilling to be given the help that he actually needs. I am confident that no one does it like we do! Yes! That's how confident I am of our company and of the people in our company. We are not the cheap one and we do not compromise quality over price.

It was my fault. If the conversation earlier didn't turn out right - it's because I said the right things but were delivered incorrectly. It's not WHAT you say, but it's HOW you say it. I know I may have said something earlier in a way that was not convincing enough or persuading enough. Didn't I sound sincere? There must be something during the conversation that turned him off and hang up on me! Argh! What was it?! I need to know. I will be listening to our conversation tonight - I must study it. And, hopefully, turn things around.

Next post: ATTITUDE.

Hayahay...

Staying up late at night made me think of going outside the house... having a short walk... enjoying the peaceful and safe familiar avenues of Ortigas Center. And so, I did. It was a cold and rainy evening, yet, it did not spoil my appetite for a sundae in a sweet wafer cone. In line at 7-11 convenient store awaiting for my chocolate sundae cone.. minutes after being in line only to be told that sundae is no longer available at that hour! I smiled and headed for Mini-stop Convenient store, which happily served me a mixed of vanilla and cappuccino flavored sundae in sweet wafer cone! I wore a big smile as the lady gladly hand me my treat!

I guess I purposely took a walk to burn some calories and shed some pounds! But, guess what?! It ended the other way around! I took a lovely evening walk alone only to add more calories to my layering bellies! A stop at Mcdonalds, El Pueblo increased my calorie intake thousands more than what is required! I got myself a Big Mac meal, large serving of fries, "coke light" (hahahah!!) and ironically ordered Strawberry Sundae!! hahahahah!!! Now... what do I plan to do with those extra calories? Oh well, I am to hit the dance floor and spend hours doing body jam and moving and grooving to hiphop music! I hope that helps!

Too much introduction! hahaha! 

Now, what is "Hayahay"? It means, "relax". I may have been relaxing way too long that makes things getting out of hand this time. I watched "Living Asia Channel" - they featured Negros Oriental. I was in awe seeing numerous wonderful sights and places endowed with nature's delightful blessings! I needed a break but I did not get the break I really wanted. I don't know why I need a break when in fact all the troubles I am going through right is self-made!

I wanted to go to Dumaguete and visit all other lovely places in Negros Oriental. The place has much more to offer than the other infamous tourist spots! Lakes... untouched lakes! It also amazed me to see a 'natural water slides" in Padudusan, Canlaon City! It was next to none! We always see man-made slides that take our breath away... but nature did it first! And it was unbelievably smooth and water gushing through it is clean and cold! They look as if they were laughing and cheering with the young boys and girls as they shout and scream and laugh sliding down the smoothly paved slide! The waters... they were happy... they dance and slide in laughter!

And that place where you can watch the dolphins dance and acrobat their way as they usher your boat across the other side of the lake! What is that place?!

Drought

Responsibilities and expectations... Sometimes I am tired of responding to all the expectations of people around me. The church, the ministries, the work, the people around you -- they all expect something from you, everyday.

I have been having a problem with my attitude. I am at this point in my life where in I am just so fed up responding to all the demands of life. But this is life - and that's what it takes to survive - you gotta work, you gotta do what is asked of you.

I have responsibilities toward God and my ministries. Although, it gets exhausting, I do not have any reason to be excused from serving God - as it is a way of life. A commitment before Him. I wish I could be like other church members who are untiringly tarrying for God's works. Their commitment before God seem unfailing - although I know they, too, are struggling as much or sometimes, much more than I do. But they press on - yet,  do not.

God has been and is always been faithful to me amidst my unnumbered unfaithfulness - He remained the same. I really wish I am like the other untiring servants of God. I wish I were not a disappointment. But, I am. I am wearing a sin of slothfulness and being sluggard only pushes me down to the deepest pits. My ministries are suffering. My work is entirely suffering and anytime soon, I am bound to lose the blessing God has entrusted me - my work.

How can  let people understand what I feel? How can  let them know the struggle in me? I have lost enthusiasm in everything that I do. I have no inspiration. I am experiencing another drought in my life. I am not happy about this as I know I am disappointing a lot of people. I am not a people pleaser. I do not do all those things I used to do simply to please people around me; well, except for the fact that there's only one who I want to please - God the Father, our Savior, Jesus Christ. I do all the good things I used to do because I am taking responsibility -- because I have a responsibility to respond to. In doing so, accordingly, the end result is becoming responsible, and although unintentional, pleasing other people.